Accept and respect the break up

When a break occurs, you need to accept and respect the other person’s decision. It is extremely important to give them space and to not become obsessed with contacting them through social media, or any means of communication. If they don’t want to be contacted, you need to leave them alone and wait for them to contact you. Don’t be rude or show any sign of abusive behavior, as this may lead to more separation and they wouldn’t want to associate themselves with you ever again. Ensure you are nice, respectful and accept what has just happened.

Re-think the situation

If you think you’re at fault or you have broken up with them and have regretted the decision, I recommend you take your time and reanalyze what went wrong and what you could do to fix it. At the end of the day, we are all human and we do make mistakes. A week or two later, after re-thinking the whole situation, you can write them a text message, or an email explaining that you have made a big mistake and ask them for another chance to make things right. Remember, you need to emphasize on how sorry you are and that you will respect their decision regardless.

I would recommend not to beg, as this could lead them to becoming more distant from you and you are presenting yourself in a very unattractive way, furthermore by doing this you are lowering your values. Remember, we are all equal and no one is greater than you.

Once you send him/her the message, you need stop contacting them until they decide to contact you back; you can’t force anyone to talk to you. Whilst you are waiting, this is the best time to focus your mind on yourself or other things such as; sports/hobbies. Allow them to voluntarily contact you without any pressure.

Give them time, maybe a few months and if you still haven’t heard back from them, text them again to remind him/her that if they no longer want to be with you then you are not going to wait for them any longer and waste your time, instead let them know that you are going to move on with your life. It is crucial to let them know where you stand and that you are not desperate to wait for someone that doesn’t want you back, therefore you are not blocking your whole life for someone. This will also lower the persons ego. Every second you waste on someone, you lose that time for someone else that actually want to be with you and loves you. At this point, you are going to make him/her think hard because if he/she really loves you they wouldn’t want to lose you to someone else.

Grieving

A lot of people skip this step because it is very hard and I understand, but we have to be realistic and accept reality for what it is. This process can be very painful and takes some time to recover from. You need to allow yourself to grieve; try not not to run away from it and be patient by taking things one day at a time.

It is never a good idea to go into another relationship at this stage and if you do, you are only doing it to suppress the pain. When that relationship doesn’t work out, you are going to be forced to deal with the pain and it will be much worse, because you haven’t addressed during the correct time (which is right after the brake up). You need to understand pain is teaching you something and it is so important to be present with it. Also, jumping into a relationship too early could back fire on your emotions.

In order to quicken the process, you need to talk about the pain, maybe write down what is hurting you and why it’s hurting you, write down all the bad things about him/her so that way you know why you have broken up with him/her and that you have made the right decision. After you have tried everything and if you feel like nothing has worked, you need to accept the truth and just let go. In addition, do not contact them at this stage, you may be very tempted to call them or talk to them. But just bare in mind that this process will help you to become stronger spiritually and allow you to cope with situations in life much better. In some cases, friends and family don’t help, instead they might make the situation even worse by intervening, so I would recommend not opening up, unless you trust your friend/family member.

Rebuild your confident

Rebuilding your confidence is not easy, this process can take time like anything else. If you feel like you are at the stage where you feel a little better, now is the best time to maybe go out a little with your friends, or just do something active if your emotions allow it. Try to do something creative, such as art, decorating or anything that you feel like doing; do not force your self.

Try not to forget him/her, the more you try to forget him/her the more you think of him/her. By focusing your mind on other things, you are creating new memories and the more memories you create the more you replace your existing memories and you wont feel the need to talk to him as much This is about shifting out of focus on something else naturally.

Dating and move on

Dating is a good way to build confidence. When others show you respect, trust you and see your inner beauty, it will increase your confidence and encourage you to realise your worth. A lot of the time, we need a reminder from other people to tell us our worth and that we are beautiful. Starting to date doesn’t necessarily mean you have forgotten about your ex, if he is in your mind he is on your mind, there is nothing you can do about it. You just need to meet new people and stop preventing yourself from moving on. And if they come back, fine, but if they don’t you have to move on. In the future you don’t want to look back and think you have wasted your time just sitting there waiting for him/her for months. Instead, ensure that you use your time wisely for the right people who actually cares and love you for who you are.