July 4th, 1994...A day that will live in infamy I still remember that day like it was yesterday. It was a day that would change my life forever. I remember I learned two valuable lessons that day. Valuable lesson numero uno was that the word "sucker" sounded very similar to "fucker." What can I say? I was a simple 4 year old. ![18920413_10158899659200602_6307852500964124671_n.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVV9azuvzY9iKT4yrHMzmxHV23HTx2AU7ueWcvvGrarWS/18920413_10158899659200602_6307852500964124671_n.jpg) I was using the word in response to the fireworks that my father was setting off in our neighborhood. I said something to the effect of "Look at that sucker." Boy, karma has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass when you're trying to be malicious. Valueable lesson numero dos was learned shortly thereafter. I went and sat on the porch next to my mom, who was smoking a cigarette. At some point, I got this crazy idea to give her a hug. I hugged her alright and I was also met with a cigarette in my right eyeball. Don't hug you mom when she is smoking or how about we all just quit smoking. It's not good for your health ![no-smoking-signjpg-719ba203a3edeaef.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmekPmTGJjnCJjna4Udjh7BgDx38ZZ8hKYBBFEyhY9ACK1/no-smoking-signjpg-719ba203a3edeaef.jpg) My mother is a very anxious person so she didn't immediately take me to the hospital, hoping my wounds would just heal on their own. I don't blame her as the whole story sounds unbelievable (Trust me, it's true). Finally, after 2 days of my eye excreting puss, she decided it was time I see a doctor. This would almost be momma's undoing. I proceeded to tell the doctor that she burned me on purpose "LIKE THISSSSSSSS!!!" I also spilled the beans about how my father had a horrible temper and would often times scream and throw things. I was separated from my parents and Child Services was brought in. After four hours of interviewing me, I finally confessed that I made the whole thing up. Boy was that a good idea because I don't think I could have made it in a group home. The car ride home was a quiet one. Fast forward to Halloween 1994 - guess who got to be a pirate. ![argh.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmcooVS8FMwi7xa7ViYShv6xmgeqae83UpuBsM4c6r5Q3P/argh.jpg) I **HATE** pirates. Good one mom and thanks for the lazy eye. I love you! ![168980_143611305696116_3843794_n.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmcgYGHny6R2CMxG7JAhA83dxxynVDuUy7SyLFN5o7PU28/168980_143611305696116_3843794_n.jpg) Follow me on IG & Twitter: @jlawforshizaw FB: fb.com/jlawforshizaw Website: joshualawhorncomedy.com And use my Genesis-Mining affiliate code: b2t1eT