Today has been extremely difficult. I'm emotionally drained, physically exhausted. I'm having to muster every tiny bit of energy I have left, the bare minimum sanity remaining, to write this down. But it is necessary I write this down. It's a journal and a journal shouldn't miss important entries. Maybe someone reading this maybe now, or maybe years later can take a lesson, can hold on to the last straw to survive. Words are extremely powerful. They have the ability to heal if soothed properly. But they also possess the firepower to completely annihilate one's morals. Unfortunately the world has come to such an era where, more often than not people have used words to let their frustrations out on someone, while completely failing to recognize the impact it is having on the other person. Getting physically crushed is so much easier than getting crushed by words. Physical pain you can get over it with some painkillers. Oh what pain killers do we have for the pain that is deep inside...the pain that is almost non-existent _(in the sense that you can't localize it)_ but yet so prominently existent..? ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/simplifylife/OtoF0YuZ-image.png) _[Source](https://svgsilh.com/image/1131830.html)_ And eventually comes the horrible suicidal thoughts. I hadn't realized up until today how powerful this could be. I never realized a soul could go through the idea of potentially ending itself, I never realized pain can get so insufferable. But it happens and now I sympathize with everyone I questioned, _How can you have suicidal thoughts._ I was wrong to have questioned them, because it as real as the dark skies on a gloomy day! But this definitely is not the answer. You have to find yourself a way to get out of this rut! YOU HAVE TO GET YOURSELF OUT, ASAP! How do you do that? I don't know. It's not the same for everyone and you can find a lot of motivational speaker saying a lot of stuff, none of which works on me, not lastingly anyway. You have to find your own way. You have to find an anchor, YOUR anchor to this world. You have to find something that to you, is still worth living for! That is your anchor to this world. And that, in the same way an anchor holds a ship to the shore and doesn't let it float away, will hold you to this world and not let your soul fly away. Suicide is not the answer. If you're having such thoughts, please know that you're not alone. Not at all dear lovely soul, not at all. We all have had this at some point if you've been battling with major depression. That's one of the clinical features! And yes, it is best to find someone to talk to and that's what everyone, on the internet to your psychiatrist to your friend, that is what everyone will tell you. But as I have said in my previous journal, I completely understand the reluctance, the hesitation, the difficulty in talking to someone. And like me, if you're finding it difficult to speak to someone, does not have to mean it's the end of the world. Find your anchor to this earth. ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/simplifylife/IaC4ZLwJ-image.png) _[Source](https://svgsilh.com/image/1333413.html)_ On an entirely different topic, I have this 3 year old niece who is probably my biggest fan! To her, I mean the world, and to me, She! She won't let me leave a room she is in. She'll come over to my room and not let anyone else to enter my room, she wants my full attention! Every time her mom scolds her, I'm the one she'll come to complain. Every time she breaks one of her toys, she _knows_ i'll have the solution! I can not imagine a world where she'll run into my room to have a chat with me, only to see I'm gone. I can not imagine a world where after her mom scolds her, I'm not there to pamper her up. I can not imagine a world where she'll have hundreds of broken toys and I won't be there to fix them for her. *** I have found my anchor to this earth, you need to find yours too. Asap. ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/simplifylife/30BcrmlM-image.png) _[Source](https://www.google.com/search?q=anchor&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwigxrms7ovpAhWKMCsKHQc6BQUQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=anchor&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzIECCMQJzIECAAQQzIECAAQQzIECAAQQzIECAAQQzIECAAQQzICCAAyAggAMgIIADICCAA6BQgAEIMBUPD4EFjChBFg-oYRaABwAHgAgAHtAYgBhwmSAQMyLTWYAQCgAQGqAQtnd3Mtd2l6LWltZw&sclient=img&ei=4ISoXqDWLYrhrAGH9JQo&bih=627&biw=1309&client=opera&hs=Iht&tbs=sur%3Afc&hl=en#imgrc=2ix189-SHKtt5M)_ @raymondspeaks has started posting videos on Mental health issues on HIVE now! Do check him out, he does some wonderful stuff! You can also find some more of his videos on his [Youtube Channel.](https://www.youtube.com/user/EdgeofSuffolk/videos) If you have, in the past, or recently, fought with suicidal thoughts, please do share your story in the comments. We learn from each other and make ourselves stronger in this fight. Until Next Time! Stay Safe! Stay Mentally Healthy!