It's an unwritten law that you must procreate......

I'm a 29-year-old-female, surrounded mainly by newly married couples and expectant mothers and fathers in my social group. We're just at that age where we should be doing these things. Our livers dragged us through university saving us several times from alcohol poisoning, most of us didn't manage to get jobs off the back of our degrees, so we've taken alternate roots, paid back the student overdrafts, found our 'soul mates' and the next stage is popping out a mini me.............

But what if you don't want a mini me? ........What if the thought of pregnancy absolutely terrifies and repulses you?........And what if your life plans are different and you have no plans of having kids?

I'll tell you what..........

You WILL change your mind when you find 'the one'.
Your 'body clock' has not kicked in yet, you WILL get broody one day, be it ten years from now it will happen.
You will succumb to societal pressures and conform to what is expected of you, the life bearing sex.

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I was around 22 or 23 when I realised I did not want to have children. I had not especially wanted them prior to this age, I had certainly envisioned my self as a mother however, and thought about names and how many I was going to have. But was that only because I was conditioned to think that way? We are taught from a young age that this is the normal thing to do, grow up and have children. Mummy & Daddy bear, Disney movies often having a happy ending with a new child, then it moves into soap operas and adult movies, it's pretty consistent all the way through. The subliminal message, this is what you should do.

Now don't get me wrong I don't think it's abnormal to have children at all , I actually agree with most people who will state that I am 'weird', and I am ok with being labelled as such. I suppose it is a bit strange to not want kids, but what I am not ok with is other people not being ok with me not wanting kids. It is literally almost as though I am NOT allowed to think this way, people will surprisingly become quite defensive (over what exactly I'm not ,quite sure) and try to convince me that I do want children!!!!

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5 years on and having found 'the one', my stance has not changed at all. My partner and I are just approaching our first year milestone together and to my delight he feels the same as I do, one of many reasons we're a good match. I am often faced with questions such as "Do you think you will have children soon, you don't want to be too old having them you're almost 30", or "that will be you next" as I glare in horror at some lovely woman's mid section extended to four times its normal size. I don't hate children at all, in fact I love them, especially toddlers. I have nieces, a few friends with young children and a God Daughter and I love spending time with all of them. I turn into a big kid myself and often morph into a donkey, giving piggy back rides around the invisible fair ground in the garden.

But, the thought of one growing inside me makes me cringe. I have heard many horror stories now of how 'places' have torn, and surgery was needed, and things still aren't quite right. I know two people who had to have C sections, and two people currently half way through pregnancies struggling with the heat, struggling with energy, struggling with being unwell. One of them being my cousin who is especially struggling with how much she is hating being pregnant and how alien she feels feeling this way.

I think a lot of women feel this way, but are taught that it's such a beautiful thing and are bombarded with movies and pictures of happy pregnant females, largely unhampered by their condition waltzing through the 9 months merrily. I've not met anyone who's had a pregnancy like this. They probably do exist, but when women don't feel so positive about the whole thing they feel shame for feeling it. I used to feel shame for not thinking pregnancy was a beautiful thing, I don't anymore.

The people I do know with children often complain about being tired, money issues, the kids fighting, not sleeping, not leaving the house much and not having any time for themselves. These people also have enormous love and joy for and from their kids I am not oblivious to all of that, but I am just trying to make my point.

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I have dreams, big ones, none of which would be possible for me to achieve with children, no energy, no money, and no time for my self. Maybe I'm just selfish??? I don't want to give up so much of my time to raise one. A woman's happiness is not dependant upon having a child, nor is her completeness, or worth. People need to be ok with that and not think we are in some kind of denial or that some invisible ticking device in my uterus will sound it's alarm and re-programme my mind.

Children bring great happiness and joy to people through all the trials and tribulations, and do make peoples lives complete IF that is what they desire and what they want out of life. I personally feel that many people conform to society's expectations, then years later have a crashing realisation that they have not lived their own life and have to keep going in the situation they are in currently,  for the sake of their children. Not everyone of course, just some people.

I do not want kids, yes maybe my mind will change but in the unlikely event that it does adoption would be my route, pregnancy is not something I ever wish to face, I mean would you want that? Maybe I'm weird, but please don't react to us women and also men, as these pressures are not just on women, who do not want children like we have committed some crime or must be mentally unstable, we just have different desires to you. I wouldn't try and convince you that you liked carrot's if you told me you do not like carrots.................

Thanks for reading :)

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