Have you struggled with changing a dysfunctional personality trait in your life? Maybe you give a dismissive tone to people without trying to, or become nervous in social situations. These reactions usually begin with a dreaded emotion or feeling.

Someone might enter into a group situation and become struck with an increasing sense of anxiety. This familiar feeling triggers thoughts that give a context to the emotion. "Crap! here's my social anxiety." Now you understand these feelings as being an unwelcome sensation called social anxiety that messes up your ability to interact with people. But, is this context that your thoughts set up true? No, it doesn't have to be!

I will give a specific example t make it easier to understand:

I'm at work. My 12 hour shift is coming to a close. I'm tired and don't have much energy. Now I begin thinking about how tired I am. "I'm soo tired" I might say to myself. Then I may begin worrying if like times in the past this will make me more awkward when I interact with my co-workers. "Crap i'm going to be boring and too tired to pay attention to people", I begin worrying. Then I begin to realize how "in my head"/ incessantly thinking I am. Then I enter into the lounge for some end of shift banter. A cute girl is in there. "Crap I'm too in my head and tired to talk in a group especially with a cute girl" I begin worrying to myself. I'm quite anxious now as well. Now some time has passed and I haven't said anything. "I'm the weird quiet guy now, crap!"

This story illustrates how while these feelings may appear negative and dysfunctional, it is really the thoughts that create a story about the feelings that results in continued dysfunctional behavior. The thoughts also intensify the original feelings.

Solution 1: Recognize the Story is False (And Does Not Serve You!)

To remedy these false unhelpful stories that your mind creates you must first recognize these stories as being fabrications. Sure you may have a pattern where you enter into a room full of people and you get a sensation, but no more has to be said about this. You can accept the feeling when/if it arises and not label it as something bad. Instead continue whatever it is your doing. Stop labeling your sensations with stories, and simply embrace them.

Solution 2: Interpret the "Dreaded" Emotion as Something to get Excited About

If the feeling is still quite strong even without any thoughts intensifying it I find it helpful to look at the sensation in a positive light. Anxiety is perfect for this. Anxiety is often very close to excitement. If I'm feeling strong anxiety, I might say to myself, "I'm excited to see what's going to happen in this unknown situation", or "I'm excited to learn more about the people I'm going to interact with because we may share commonalities or I may learn something new."