My heart hurts when I see others struggling in life or struggling to love the person that they share a bed with at night. Relationships require work but they, also, require communication and patience with each other. I am not a certified relationship counselor but I have experience with pain and failed relationships so I often try to help those closest to me that are having relationship problems. https://s15.postimg.cc/gx9572hvf/kelly-sikkema-530092-unsplash.jpg Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash ![divider-1024.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmb9i2KiKpKHoj63jj482Z2HpRPSbx1UyAPXrRGYxXzhEj/divider-1024.png) One such couple are friends of mine and they are having some serious communication issues and the relationship is toxic to both of them but neither will budge from their position, walk away, or work to fix things. A major problem that I see in this case is that neither of them is happy with themselves or with their lives. Can they really love each other when they don’t love themselves? ## Remember When? ## I remember what it feels like to not love myself and to not feel grateful for the little things in life. It felt like desolation and nothing but sadness every single day. We get so caught up in everyday life that we forget to nourish ourselves spiritually and emotionally so many of us start to feel depressed and overwhelmed by everyday life. I gave them both two exercises to do today and so far only half of the assignment has been completed. The first part is to sit quietly and write down 5 things that they are grateful for, individually, not together. Gratitude can begin the alignment process within ourselves and ground our thinking into something more positive. All of us can find at least 5 things that we are grateful for quite easily. Focusing on gratitude can help you to focus on the positive aspects of life instead of leaning more towards the negative. Negativity brings us down so quickly and life quickly becomes monotonous. There is nothing wrong with having a daily routine but when a daily routine leaves no time for ourselves or for self-care then we start to have problems mentally and emotionally. ## The 5 Love Languages ## As far as how they interact with each other, I found that neither of them had heard of the 5 Love Languages and that we all love each other in our own love language so we don’t always feel that our partner loves and/or appreciates us. If you have never heard of Love Languages or don’t know what yours is then I would invite you to take the quiz here. [The 5 Love Languages[(http://www.5lovelanguages.com) ![divider-1024.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmb9i2KiKpKHoj63jj482Z2HpRPSbx1UyAPXrRGYxXzhEj/divider-1024.png) Learning how your partner likes to be shown love can be paramount to having a successful long term relationship. These two took the test and found out that her primary love language is “Words of Affirmation” and his is “Physical Touch.” They have been together since 2013 and neither of them knew this about the other. Obviously, the challenge for them is to learn how to love each other in the love language that each of them relates most to. You may be thinking that this is hoopla and can’t possibly work but I can tell you that it truly does work because your partner feels that they are finally being shown love. I first learned about Love Languages when my stepmother introduced me to them when my husband and I were having problems. My primary love language was Physical Touch and his was Gift Giving. We are no longer married but it’s because we grew apart, not because we didn’t know how to love each other. I am hoping that my friends can learn to love each other again in the way that they both need. Like I said before, communication and patience are always required for relationships to work. I would love to hear your thoughts and thank you for reading, ## Ivy ## https://s9.postimg.cc/h4mktbfen/Because_chocolate_is-3.png The @helpie community is growing! If you are a community-centered person and want to be part of a great community dedicated to helping others grow then follow @helpie for more information. https://s9.postimg.cc/81juxahlb/Screen_Shot_2018-05-08_at_11.22.16_PM.png Are you a military veteran that believes in community and in the Steemit platform? We have an awesome community of vets on Discord. If interested, send me a message on Discord at socent#3214. https://s9.postimg.cc/bjbqgine7/Screen_Shot_2018-05-14_at_9.06.10_PM.png I recently became a mentor for Promo Mentors every Tuesday at 11am EST if anyone needs some posts checked out! I really enjoy the community and how helpful everyone is :) https://steemitimages.com/DQmTDLNSwrxM4R85rA2qsR18pugncTy5FDhVf5gJBoW5vLm/signature.gif